I'm not in the best mood right now, so naturally all I can think about are things that drive me crazy. So, I made a list:
(This is in no particular order.)
1. When your phone randomly decides not to vibrate and you miss a call.
The point of "vibrate mode" on a cell phone is to alert you to calls, or texts, or alarms, etc. without the total disruption that ringtones cause. If I wanted complete silence I would put my phone on "silent." Enough with the shenanigans, phone.
2. Cars that are so tiny, they cause the illusion that there is in fact an empty parking spot across the lot, so you race fours rows down only to be disappointed by the mini vehicle that was hiding between the Ford Explorer and the Mustang.
Oh, and that ONE remaining spot that you passed up in the back? Yeah, someone just took it.
3. While I'm on the subject of cars, let's talk about cars that, from a distance, resemble a police car.
You're driving down the highway...erm, speeding down the highway... and suddenly in your rear view mirror you see a cop coming up behind you. Or wait. "Is it a cop? Or just a car with a bike rack? Should I slow down? Maybe I should slow down. Maybe I should slide over into the far right lane until the cop passes me." Nope. Not a cop. And now you're stuck behind Driving Miss Daisy in the far right lane until all the people that are going a reasonable speed pass you by.
4. Allergies.
If I have to explain to you why allergies bother me, then you make me want to punch babies as well.
5. People who say, "I'm going to THE Olive Garden for dinner."
This is a chain restaurant, people. Not a fancy dining establishment. Oh, and there is no such thing as Santa Clause either.
6. When you just want one paperclip, but somehow they are ALL tangled together.
Who is doing this to the paperclips of the world???? It's like when you lay your headphones on your desk and then go to use them again and magically they are in a giant, military-grade knot. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?
7. Being left-handed.
Let's set aside the fact that I have to buy special scissors and when I stuff envelopes at work I have to do everything backwards. What ticks me off the most is the dreaded smearing of any pen, pencil, or marker that happens as the side of my hand drags across the paper. Ink stains on the side of the hand is sooo attractive let me tell ya.
8. Waking up mere minutes before my alarm goes off.
Anything inside of the 5 minute range just irks me to no end. That's 5 extra minutes of sleep I could have enjoyed!!
9. When the bottoms of pants get stuck inside the tongues of shoes.
I've stopped random strangers before to ask them to fix their pant legs. I'm not kidding. And just so you know, if you are guilty of doing this, especially with some Timberlands on, it does not give you "swagga." It merely stamps "douchebag" on your forehead.
10. SUPER SLOW INTERNET.
I pay an exorbitant amount of money to attend this school, so dammit I expect my YouTube and Hulu videos to buffer at a speed that is reasonable!! If I have time to run to the library and print something out as a page is loading, then something is seriously wrong.
***Note: Of course, I would never ACTUALLY strike an infant. It's just an expression people. Don't freak out.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
'Tis the season of Bambi.
It has come to my attention that some people are actually taking the time to casually scan what I have to say on here. First of all: stop procrastinating and do your homework folks. Secondly: thanks for the support.
I am by no means under the impression that the thoughts that bounce around in my mind are of any consequence to anyone else in the world, so the idea that they are mildly interesting to someone makes me feel good.
On that note, I do have some semi-coherent thoughts about this long-awaited phenomenon we call Spring:
I find it fascinating that things as simple as flip flops and a little bit of sunshine completely alter the moods of the human population. I’ll admit that I fall under this statistic most definitely. You may not be able to tell, but that’s just because the amount of sunshine outside is directly proportional to the amount of time I sit in the semi-darkness of my dorm room, but that’s just because I prefer the natural light coming through my window to the harsh fluorescents of the ceiling lights, even if that means I look like a vampire from time to time.
Sunglasses. That word also always makes me smile and with Spring comes the increased use of sunglasses as well as flip flops which really are the best thing since sliced bread just ask a scientist. I have and he agrees.
Ok, I lied just then, but I still stand by my statement. Another thing Spring has going for it is warmer weather of course, and that means driving with the windows down, which also causes smiling. Of course that could be because the wind is berating your face, and the g-force is forcing you to smile, but it’s whatever.
Ok, I think I have reached rambling status, so I’m just going to sum this up: Spring is awesome. Except allergies and rain of course. Now I just need to get a tan…
Oh, by the way, I had to go to work in the middle of writing this and I just have to let everyone know that at work I filed a folder for someone named Buttons Bows Jackson. I wish more than anything in the world that I was kidding. So, I just want to throw a shout-out to Buttons. If you ever read this…and you need to talk…about anything…which I’m sure you do…I’m here for you buddy.
I am by no means under the impression that the thoughts that bounce around in my mind are of any consequence to anyone else in the world, so the idea that they are mildly interesting to someone makes me feel good.
On that note, I do have some semi-coherent thoughts about this long-awaited phenomenon we call Spring:
I find it fascinating that things as simple as flip flops and a little bit of sunshine completely alter the moods of the human population. I’ll admit that I fall under this statistic most definitely. You may not be able to tell, but that’s just because the amount of sunshine outside is directly proportional to the amount of time I sit in the semi-darkness of my dorm room, but that’s just because I prefer the natural light coming through my window to the harsh fluorescents of the ceiling lights, even if that means I look like a vampire from time to time.
Sunglasses. That word also always makes me smile and with Spring comes the increased use of sunglasses as well as flip flops which really are the best thing since sliced bread just ask a scientist. I have and he agrees.
Ok, I lied just then, but I still stand by my statement. Another thing Spring has going for it is warmer weather of course, and that means driving with the windows down, which also causes smiling. Of course that could be because the wind is berating your face, and the g-force is forcing you to smile, but it’s whatever.
Ok, I think I have reached rambling status, so I’m just going to sum this up: Spring is awesome. Except allergies and rain of course. Now I just need to get a tan…
Oh, by the way, I had to go to work in the middle of writing this and I just have to let everyone know that at work I filed a folder for someone named Buttons Bows Jackson. I wish more than anything in the world that I was kidding. So, I just want to throw a shout-out to Buttons. If you ever read this…and you need to talk…about anything…which I’m sure you do…I’m here for you buddy.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Fruit Roll-Ups are weird...
I've always been a pretty accepting person, I like to think. I've always tended to roll with even the strangest or the most random things, but I think that part of my personality is waning a little as a grow older.
Don't get me wrong, I still love the random, thrive on it actually. My roommate and I are currently in a random sticky note war. I've come to the conclusion that we should change tactics in the war in Iraq from fighting to sticking Post-Its all over each others desks when the other isn't in the room. Few things can brighten a day like walking into your room and seeing a sea of orange (or blue in my case) sticky notes over every visible surface of your desk. I'm just sayin...someone in Washington should consider it.
Something that I can't seem to get over in my old age; however, is how strange a substance fruit roll-ups are. I just received two fruit roll-ups in my "finals care package" that my mother sent me and I was soo excited because I do believe it's been years since I actually ate a fruit roll-up. I do believe I still had a lunch-box and a thermos the last time I ate one.
So, I excitedly tore it open, but then I stopped suddenly at the strange texture of it. I don't remember them being so weird before. They're kind of like rubber...or plastic? Actually they kind of look like Reynolds plastic wrap (I hate that stuff) only like...orange and red and stuff. They're not quite as dense as taffy, or Airheads. But they're still stretchy like elastic. Does anyone know a person who makes fruit roll-ups by profession? Cause if you do I'd like to talk to them.
I ate them anyways by the way. They were delicious.
Don't get me wrong, I still love the random, thrive on it actually. My roommate and I are currently in a random sticky note war. I've come to the conclusion that we should change tactics in the war in Iraq from fighting to sticking Post-Its all over each others desks when the other isn't in the room. Few things can brighten a day like walking into your room and seeing a sea of orange (or blue in my case) sticky notes over every visible surface of your desk. I'm just sayin...someone in Washington should consider it.
Something that I can't seem to get over in my old age; however, is how strange a substance fruit roll-ups are. I just received two fruit roll-ups in my "finals care package" that my mother sent me and I was soo excited because I do believe it's been years since I actually ate a fruit roll-up. I do believe I still had a lunch-box and a thermos the last time I ate one.
So, I excitedly tore it open, but then I stopped suddenly at the strange texture of it. I don't remember them being so weird before. They're kind of like rubber...or plastic? Actually they kind of look like Reynolds plastic wrap (I hate that stuff) only like...orange and red and stuff. They're not quite as dense as taffy, or Airheads. But they're still stretchy like elastic. Does anyone know a person who makes fruit roll-ups by profession? Cause if you do I'd like to talk to them.
I ate them anyways by the way. They were delicious.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Clutter Keeper
It’s official, I’m a sappy note-keeper. Whenever someone writes something nice to me, whether that be on a sticky note, or a torn piece of paper, I just can’t bring myself to get rid of it. I currently have three sticky notes at random places on my lap top from my roommate. I can probably find a handful of handwritten, silly letters from friends in the top drawer of my desk. I have a crayon drawing of my name sticking on the back of my desk chair. At home in my bedroom I have an inside joke present still from a girl who I don’t even speak to anymore. I physically cannot throw them away.
Even a year later when my mom goes through her annual “oh my god, this room is a disaster” phase and I once again find myself sifting through the reasonable clutter of my room, I find things from friends, I smile, I sit and re-read them, and then I panic. “What should I do with this!?” I think. I stand and start to walk towards the trash can, but I always stop. It’s like my legs suddenly become heavy as I think about the memories that come with that note, or that random drawing, and I just. can’t. do. it. So, it goes into a better spot; a spot safer from my mother’s anal gaze and there it stays with the rest of them. Don’t judge me.
Even a year later when my mom goes through her annual “oh my god, this room is a disaster” phase and I once again find myself sifting through the reasonable clutter of my room, I find things from friends, I smile, I sit and re-read them, and then I panic. “What should I do with this!?” I think. I stand and start to walk towards the trash can, but I always stop. It’s like my legs suddenly become heavy as I think about the memories that come with that note, or that random drawing, and I just. can’t. do. it. So, it goes into a better spot; a spot safer from my mother’s anal gaze and there it stays with the rest of them. Don’t judge me.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Parkingspotosis
Does anyone know if there's such thing as an illness that makes you chronically forget where you parked your vehicle in a parking lot? Cause if there is-- I have it.
Seriously, I don't think I could tally up the minutes of my life that I've wasted wandering aimlessly around a crowded parking lot, wishing for the hundredth time that I had automatic car locks, so I could just push a button on my keys and listen for that "Beep beep!" My car is bright blue too, so one would think that would help me spot it, but when you're like me and always somehow end up three or four rows away from where you actually parked, color doesn't matter in the slightest.
I'm pretty sure that the actual act of forgetting happens immediately when I walk through the doors of whatever grocery store, or restaurant, or establishment that I happen to be at. By then I'm too preoccupied with my errand to realize it. The worst part is that "Oh no" feeling that you get the second you exit the building and that giant blacktop tundra spreads out before your eyes. Your breathing increases and your palms become a little sweaty, making the plastic bags in your grip slip a little. You squint your eyes and take two steps to the left...but then change your mind and take two steps to the right, but then you just stop again in your tracks.
You know the people exiting the store behind you are snickering and whispering to each other "I bet she can't remember where she parked," so you decide to just pick a row and search, hoping that a car, ANY CAR, will trigger your memory. Your gaze falls upon another lost soul wandering around the parking lot, but the fact that she is always a white-haired old woman makes you feel really stupid. Finally, though, just when you're CONVINCED that someone has stolen your car while you were inside buying orange juice and batteries, there it is: your car, your precious car, sitting of course, three or four rows away. Thank goodness you are like me and are really self-conscious about your parking skills, so you park way in the back of the lot, or you could have been searching for hours.
Discovery Channel should make a show about an Australian guy who hunts down cars for people in crowded parking lots. Kind of like a mix between Parking Wars and Dog the Bounty Hunter. Any suggestions as to what they should call it?
Seriously, I don't think I could tally up the minutes of my life that I've wasted wandering aimlessly around a crowded parking lot, wishing for the hundredth time that I had automatic car locks, so I could just push a button on my keys and listen for that "Beep beep!" My car is bright blue too, so one would think that would help me spot it, but when you're like me and always somehow end up three or four rows away from where you actually parked, color doesn't matter in the slightest.
I'm pretty sure that the actual act of forgetting happens immediately when I walk through the doors of whatever grocery store, or restaurant, or establishment that I happen to be at. By then I'm too preoccupied with my errand to realize it. The worst part is that "Oh no" feeling that you get the second you exit the building and that giant blacktop tundra spreads out before your eyes. Your breathing increases and your palms become a little sweaty, making the plastic bags in your grip slip a little. You squint your eyes and take two steps to the left...but then change your mind and take two steps to the right, but then you just stop again in your tracks.
You know the people exiting the store behind you are snickering and whispering to each other "I bet she can't remember where she parked," so you decide to just pick a row and search, hoping that a car, ANY CAR, will trigger your memory. Your gaze falls upon another lost soul wandering around the parking lot, but the fact that she is always a white-haired old woman makes you feel really stupid. Finally, though, just when you're CONVINCED that someone has stolen your car while you were inside buying orange juice and batteries, there it is: your car, your precious car, sitting of course, three or four rows away. Thank goodness you are like me and are really self-conscious about your parking skills, so you park way in the back of the lot, or you could have been searching for hours.
Discovery Channel should make a show about an Australian guy who hunts down cars for people in crowded parking lots. Kind of like a mix between Parking Wars and Dog the Bounty Hunter. Any suggestions as to what they should call it?
Sunday, February 7, 2010
MWARH! Precipitation!
Who's brilliant idea was it to make ice clear? Huh? Who said, "Hey guys! I know ice is hazardous and everything, but wouldn't it just be HILARIOUS if we made it invisible to the human eye!?" I mean, it's not even the falling on your butt part that makes it annoying. Sure it hurts, but only for a minute. What really bothers me is how incredibly stupid you look when you realize you've lost all traction and you're about to plunge to your doom. Your face kind of contorts and your arms start flailing around as if you're having some sort of fit. It's so humbling, in fact, that when it happens in front of a group of people I actually hope that I hit the ground hard because then people will be too busy worrying about my health to laugh at me! If you catch your balance after slipping your only option is to face that two seconds of silence before people bust out laughing at your funny face and silly movements. If anyone has any information regarding the person who made ice all the more treacherous, I would appreciate it if you would come forward as soon as possible. Thank you.
I really need to put gas in my car. Like, desperately. I'm avoiding it though because there's quite a bit of STUPID SNOW AND ICE on my car and it takes forever to warm up. MWARH! Again with the darn precipitation! Oh, that reminds me of my recent puddle incident! Walking home from Serendipity (of course) I quite acrobatically (or so I thought) tried to avoid a drift of snow by stepping instead on WHAT I THOUGHT was a dry spot. Fail. It was a puddle of newly melted ice and snow and because water is also I clear I did not realize this until my foot was completely immersed in freezing cold water and my sock was soaked through. Basically the rest of my walk consisted of "step, squish, step, squish, step, squish." My life is average. And my foot was cold.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Oh, snap! First blog entry!
Well, here it goes...my first blog entry. It took me a while to figure out what to write. I mean, this is kind of a monumental moment. But then I realized that in reality, no one is ACTUALLY going to read this, so it doesn't really matter what I write about. I could write about the ice and snow that is rapidly melting on the sidewalks of Westerville, OH if I really wanted to. Of course, I don't really want to write about that...I don't really WANT to write about anything, actually. I just...kind of need to. Write, that is. I don't know why, maybe it's kind of like the need to write in a diary or journal, or go to a therapist and talk about your day, it's just kind of an unexplainable need.
Not that anything particularly exciting happens on a day-to-day basis in my life. In fact, right now I'm just sitting in a coffee shop sipping on a caramel latte. I KNOW, I need to calm down, right? I need to stop my shenanigans because I'm getting a little out of hand. Seriously though, this is a really sweet coffee shop. It's called Serendipity and it's in UpTown Westerville in the middle of Otterbein College's campus. It's only a short walk from my dorm and they serve great coffee and sandwiches and even ice cream, which is like my favorite thing ever, so naturally I love this place. The tabletops are made of blank CDs and there's a suit of armor in the corner wearing a Flavor-Flav-esque hat and an apron. The fact that I don't find that strange says everything about my personality.
My favorite part about Serendipity, though, is when they collaborate with Otterbein to host Open Mic nights. There's some pretty talented people in this area and to be honest walking down here late at night and listening to some live music while drinking a coffee is way more fun to me than going to some fraternity house and getting wasted. I just don't find any appeal in alcohol. I mean, why do people enjoy losing all control of themselves? I'd rather remember the fun I had the night before, thank you very much. Oh well, maybe my perspective will change when I turn 21 and can actually go to bars and such...I doubt it though. I'll probably still be frequenting places like Serendipity. After all, bars don't have ice cream :)
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